Fresh green shoots wave in the soft dusk air.

Magnolia trees, cherry blossoms, daffodils, hyacinth, Oregon grape.

The sounds of dinner preparation through an open dutch door

Knives and forks, plates and cups create their own kind of chatter as the table is set.

I smile to myself and keep walking, sloping uphill towards the park that only last month was covered in fresh snow and sled tracks.

A man sits on his stoop with his shirt off,

Creatures everywhere molt,

Fur, feathers, winter feelings.

Layers shaken off and air on skin for the first time in recent memory

Passing strangers elicit shy smiles

The city is peeking it's head out of winter's burrow.

Sauvie Island, Collins beach

Angels All Around

An angel eviscerated 

Takes the form of a puddle painted like oil slick

Leaf rot and new moss

An angel on the sidewalk 

Snaps me out of it.

I bring myself down and back in 

Over and over 

Smell my own skin

Feel that breeze? 

Cut off the split ends 

Old bleach frayed and limp

Release that weight 

Everything is unfolding as it is meant to.

Respect this moment for what it is.

Let go of what it is not.

Wounds properly nursed

I re-learn how to be my own friend.

Remember again,

What excitement feels like?

In the belly

In the blood, like

A 

Hopeful crescendo

A

Wave crashing

A

Hummingbird heart

The energy comes with the clarity

The grief gets smaller 

The lingering love becomes reassuring, peaceful.

Everything is unfolding as it is meant to.

Respect this moment for what it is.

Let go of what it is not.

I am paying more attention

To the sunlight playing

Than the shadows fighting.

My eye is drawn to the litter's sparkle

A path of potential seems straightforward

A clearing in the dark wood

Angels all around.

Everything is unfolding as it is meant to.

Respect this moment for what it is.

Let go of what it is not.

Songs about Seventeen

An ode to songs called "seventeen" and to my best friend Ella who showed me that every song about being 17 is the best song ever.

---

seventeen by sharon van etten

I'm in the passenger seat and it's a Friday night. We have nothing better to do so me and my friends are going for a drive, one of thousands of such drives we’d take over the course of our restless high school years. We wind up the hills on dark backroads, windows down, our off-key voices leaving a trace of us among the quiet trees lining the asphalt, fleeting and headstrong, at once loud and self-concious. 

I get goosebumps when Sharon Van Etten sings "I used to be seventeen. Now you're just like me... I see you so uncomfortably alone. I wish I could show you how much you've grown." Her voice floods the car with emotion and I tear up. Her words tease and comfort me like an older sister’s, and I think about what it's like to be seventeen, feeling like you're at the bottom of a mountain looking up, the oldest and wisest you've ever been but understanding that when you look back it will all feel so far away, so juvenile. 

---

seventeen by peach pit

"Back at Patrick park/We stood in the dark. In my beer-stained mind, I said/'Please won't you be mine?'"

It's the eve of my seventeenth birthday and I'm laying on my back in a square patch of grass. Paul is laying next to me and we’re probably talking about something stupid. Paul was my summer fling two summers in a row, back when I thought I was bi and needed to prove to myself that yes, I could like a guy, and yes, he could like me back. He was loaded, his family exclusively drove white Porsches, and he was a weird dude but very handsome. We met in physics class, junior year, and awkwardly made out from time to time. 

Under the yellow orange glow from the street lights, midnight creeps closer, and I get more and more giddy about aging up from sweet sixteen to a flirty, mysterious seventeen. It seems like such a big deal, and driving Paul back to his place as the clock struck midnight (past my curfew) I felt very adult. He runs inside and comes back out with a gift for me, Lorde's Pure Heroine on vinyl. I just about cry. My all time favorite album; Lorde infused those songs with wisdom and depth of emotion little girls attain at fourteen and men might eventually achieve if they do acid enough times. We kiss and I drive home, a grinning seventeen year old with a new prized possession. 

---

seventeen by ladytron

I'm with my best friends and we’re walking to a party we aren't really invited to. I'm almost shaking with anxiety about socializing where I’m not welcome, nowhere near grown into myself, wearing clothes I hate because I can't bear to not fit in, even though I know the yoga pants and crop top don't look right on my over six foot frame. Walking the mile to the party along a busy road at rush hour, I can feel the eyes of every passing car driver on our backs like mosquito bites. Then they start honking. It's a fast road, each honker whizzing by and anonymous, and we four are stoic sitting ducks, refusing to walk faster or act like it bothers us. 

"They only want you when you're seventeen, when you're twenty one, you're no fun." And it's true, most of the times I've been cat called were when I was a teenager; it's funny how now that I could legally be into that kind of thing, the honks have halted. Something about teenhood, looking vulnerable, and walking places lends itself to overconfident drivers and shouted quips through an open window. 

We didn't make it into the party—they had a fucking guest list and a bouncer—and a hidden part of me was so relieved that we didn't have to go in, that we could just watch tv and lick our rejection inflicted wounds. Walking back home we took side streets, strolling in peace, seventeen and laughing with years ahead of us to throw our own parties. 

BRAT GREEN! and a poem.

It's everywhere. It's everything to me. 

How did charli know this is my favorite color? Or
that I have to watch spring breakers annually? That troye and shygirl are my second and third faves, after her... wow

"That city sewer slut's the vibe <3" - 360

"We've been talking for months, but never in the same room. And now I wanna approach ya, but we've been keeping this a secret. And you're surrounded by friends and I'm just wondering what they know. I wish you'd talk talk wish you'd talk talk wish you'd just talk to me!!!!" - Talk talk

"Bad tattoos on leather tanned skin, Jesus Christ on a plastic sign, fall in love again and again, winding roads doing manual drive." - Everything is romantic

 "Used to burn Cds full of songs I didn't know, used to sit in my bedroom puttin' polish on my toes" - Rewind

Greyhound to my Left and a Couple Kissing to my Right

by frznstrwbrries

Feeling stupid young and horny this summer

With coke in my new nose piercing and my

Office job and staring out the window.

What the fuck am I doing??

Please god could I just

Chill out &&& enjoy the moment?

Look at those

Dust bunnies in the dog park,

Adults playing kickball,

Strangers enjoying each other's company.

Hang up some fly traps, 

See if that works.

I chose 6 of my figurines to worship

They represent things like

Happiness, greed, etc.

Give them names and backstories

Forcing spirituality and prayer cuz 

I don’t think anyone should feel so empty, 

Empty like sparking lighters and travel shampoo bottles.

That thing I need again 

It’s right over my shoulder,

Isn't it?

Turn turn turn desperate and dizzy and disilusioned.

I keep moving so my own shadow won’t catch up to me.

I don’t know how to talk to my mom, 

I want the air to feel like home again.

Perfect atmospheric pressure

Sky so Truman show blue,

Except it is today and I’m still not satisfied.

Bottomless greed that’s what I feel 

More guilt more!!!! More more more!

Eat me out like Jell-O shots,

Oxygen tank thrown in the fire pit.

California poppies and a summer salad,

I won't feed myself,

It’s all about self sabotage, control, feeling guilty.

You told me you wanted to kiss me 

I said I’ll think about it.

Tears fall like nothing it doesn’t take much 

Someone told me... 

I forgot.