Thursday, March 21, 2024

Four Loko Summer

Here's the thing. I'm in the mood to reinvent myself. The season is changing, it was sunny for three days straight for the first time in like 5 months and the birds are chirping. My closet is finally back in working condition, after the Great Pipe Bursting back in January, I airbnb and couch hopped for like 5 weeks and then moved back into my room with an unfinished closet. All my clothes and dressers were stuffed into my room and it was ... garbage pit like, to say the least. So now my room is spacious and orderly again, and I realized my mysterious wet patch of carpet (don't ask) had been growing in my absence and so I jerry rigged a fan to my bookshelf and turned the dehumidifier on high and whaddayaknow, that cleared up in a couple days. Also, I am single now. It's a long story and sad but beautiful story and it's all peace and love and grief. Lol. I shant overshare cuz it makes me so upset and I'm leaning into letting myself feel sad... but it's awkward cuz letting yourself feel sad makes you FEEL SAD and I want to FEEL GOOD please god let me feel good. Please. 

But I am determined to actually feel things (good things ideally but beggars can't be choosers) for the rest of this semester, my last semester of college!!!! and be present and meditate and go for walks outside and talk to myself and wash my face every day. Basicallllly I have to get to know myself again. The last couple months I would book my days so busy I didn't have time to do anything important (like make meals or take a piss) and then whenever I had an uncomfortable thought or feeling I would just... scroll it away (thanks a lot, Instagram). I don't have insta right now and I feel like my brain is waking up again. It's been good. I am proud of myself.

Looking forward, however, I am getting really excited to be a loose cannon this summer. I was looking through some stories I had saved from two summers ago and found these striking flicks. 

In thee hot tub, we jumped the fence

Story draft, after a couple of four loko beverages, looking visibly ill and mischievious

Obviously, dear reader, you know that lime rita buzzballz is my potent liquor of choice, and I feel like those ballz are like the slightly more annoying sibling to the older, more suave but also extremely chaotic older brother, aka Four Loko. Their mom would probably be a Long Island mixed drink, and the dad would be like Jägermeister or something idk. 

While I think Four Loko is objectively nasty and the production and sale of it should be halted worldwide,
it is the spirit of the Four Loko that I hope to embody. Crazy, free, sweet, dangerous, etc.

Drinking Four Loko conveys a sense of lack of care for the self, in a fun and flirty way. Well now that I've written that out on the page I'm wondering hmmm is this a good idea because I really do want to care for myself. I actually am requiring myself to care for myself. But okay yes so now I am back on track; this spring is about caring for myself and working on myself, etc, but come summmmmerrrr anything is possible really. 

In the spirit of things that are kind of good and kind of bad for me, I got a Juul. You may be thinking, 'that's literally just bad for you' and while you're right in a scientific seense, I'M right in a symbolic sense, and I'm also right because it's my blog, dammit!

These days, I smoke my little juul, I scratch my scalp until it bleeds (I'm trying to stop but), I go for walks and I give myself challenges to complete. Because I'm not on instagram I want to feel a part of something still so I have invented self improvement challenges or trends I forecast for myself for the week. Last week I successfully completed the #threemealsadaychallenge and this week I'm continuing that good work and also introducing the #touchgrasseverydaychallenge which was easy when it was sunny out but the clouds are back so I have to work a little harder to self motivate to spend time outside. 

Tonight I am going to charli night at the holocene, they're going to play her music and music like hers. I am so so excited, I'm going with close baes and I'm wearing a fit completely curated from the clothing swap PSN did on campus last friday. It's gonna be my crazy tights, a SILVER puffer, and silver skirt. When I saw the puffer in all it's metallic glory, I screamed. I had literally brought my GOLDEN puffer with me to school that day so I wore them both at once and felt like Young Lean. I think this fit would be perfect for a base for my furlandia (furries in space) outfit, if I get some galaxy tights to go with it.

I NEED THESE SO BAD!!!!

And then I'll make a headpiece, probably gonna be a blue dragon to match my D&D character. Me and Edie want to make fur suits (or at least components of them for a partial suit) by hand and we're gonna document the process. It's gonna be awesome.

To conclude, I want it to be summer, I want to sip a four loko through a straw in my fursuit, and I NEED TO REMEMBER WHO TF I AMMMM!!!!!

I love you so much forever.
Kate






Thursday, March 14, 2024

A sober possum is a social asset!

Have you heard of MEPearl? I think you should hear what she has to say...

Here is her website, you should look at it : https://mepearl.com/

In high school me, Abe, Zoe, and Prahalad crafted a really elaborate and long and weird comment for the Q & A life advice style column on the website. This is what we wrote, and what She responded with. We chose the name MAURICE for some reason. 



Reading this now, I am honestly so inspired still by what She said. She has so much wisdom. And responds really thoughtfully to each question. I bet it would make her day if we all left questions for her to ponder. 

She also has an insane and beautiful youtube chanel : https://www.youtube.com/@MEpearl

She posts so frequently it's inspiring (like it's Blog Post Wednesday everyday!!)

This is a good and funny compilation video of Ms. MEPearl the All Knowing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtLrn2zPTxQ

I aspire to have this kind of digital footprint in 40 yeaars.

Ciao bellas

K8

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

Adventure day

 Started:12/5/2023

Last week, I had the kind of day that I can only describe as a random adventure day. They don't happen often, and can't be planned or prepared for, but when they start to unfold, I must give in and let the rhythm of mystery and chaos take me, or else suffer a day of confusion and let-down.

I've learned over time that the more adventure and spontaneity is built into my day, the more memorable it will be and time seems to slow down more. When I get into too much of a routine, my days and weeks begin to blur and I can't remember what I've done or when things happened. If I do random shit (being random is def in for 2024) like follow a hunch or take a wrong exit on purpose, I always discover something new I never would've seen otherwise. Taking public transportation always seems to prime me for adventure, when I don't have a pressing timeline for what I need to do, getting on the bus or the train with a low-commitment destination in mind and seeing what happens is my favorite pastime.

This particular day was going to be a busy one that I needed to drive for, I could tell from my calendar line up when I looked at it that morning, my eyes adjusting to the bright white of my phone screen in my uber-dark basement/dungeon/bedroom/cave. First on the agenda was an 8am swim practice, this was Friday, and I had our mid-season meet that weekend. So this was my final chance to get in the water and warm up a bit before the competition the next two days. Our coach, Caitlin, prepared us really well for this meet, working us extremely hard in the pool and the gym for months, leading up to a week of easier practices to let our muscles recover so we could swim fast at George Fox. (NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: I did really good at this meet meow I was tapered so perfectly for it ugh)

The practice went well, I felt light and strong in the water, like a fancy race boat, all carbon fiber and details that have been gone over 1,000 times. I left the pool feeling refreshed as I always do, like my brain has been taken out and rinsed off and put back in my head. 

I went to class, it wasn't memorable. This was my outfit. I don't remember what was in that bag. 

Then, I took myself downtown to go to p:ear, a really cool community space for kids experiencing homelessness to do art and music, eat lunch and get warm. In one of my classes at LC, we did semester long projects in collaboration with p:ear, one group did an art project, one did a survey collecting data on what health services are accessed or needed most by the youth, and my group compiled a bunch of health and wellness resources in the greater Portland area and designed easy to read fliers that contained lots of information about how to access them. The adults who work there seem really solid and I want to get to know how they found themselves working here, and ask about what their professional paths looked like because I've recently been having epiphanies about how to intersect all my interests into one profession. Stay tuned, I'm still figuring it out (I will always be figuring it out). (ANOTHER NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: I am working with P:ear for my thesis project and for networking purposes and it's super dope).

As I was parking I mentally prepared myself to feel out of place, and nervous, and alone when I went inside. I thought about it, accepted that I would be going with the flow, and waltzed in. If put in this position, my younger self would have freaked out, going into this space without anyone by my side, not knowing what to expect and not knowing if they were even expecting me. But it worked out! I talked to Kanani, the woman who's leading the art project and worked on it with her for a while.

I did a puzzle with a little boy named Dasani (?), and his dad tricked me by pointing to the ground and helpfully letting me know I 'dropped my pocket.' Of course I looked down. And then proceeded to hear him try that line on almost everyone else in the room. It felt almost like an inauguration, our gullibility somehow uniting us. 

After I loitered there for a while, I made my way over to city hall because I thought Edie might be there. I was right! We cleaned up the wreck that the person who fucked with their setup the night before had left, and chatted. There was a Native protest happening at city hall too, I listened to a speaker read excerpts from a website called Challenging White Supremacy, I talked to them afterward and got the link so I could look at it more later. Jeff said thank you when I was leaving, I told Edie the story of when I ran into him by the pinball machines at My Father's Place, it was funny as hell and he seemed so shocked.

I called my dad on the drive to the Cupcake Girls tabling event, and kept him on the phone as I paid for parking (4.80$) and walked around the block, and, still on the phone, realized I was in fact at the right numerical address, on SE 13th street when I needed to be on NE 13th street. Such a rookie Portlander move, a bit embarrassing that my dad was my auditory witness to the whole thing.

My Parking Kitty app conveniently lacks a "refund" button, but does let you have two tabs open at a time, so when I got to the right location, running late at this point, I paid for two more hours of parking (another  4.80$) and found my way inside. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was not a sugaring and waxing studio. Simply (and cryptically) called The Portland Girl, it was a small studio used for facials and eyebrow treatments having a holiday party with snacks and arts vendors and Mariah Carey on the speakers. There was a table with information about another local nonprofit spread out, and my boss that I was supposed to be meeting there was nowhere to be found.

I made a chai latte with the keurig in the esthetician break room, and read my Sherman Alexie book in the front lobby, and waited. I sat in a green velvet shell-shaped chair, and read prose that transported me and sipped my scalding beverage. One of my favorite lines went like this hem hem: "Late one day James and I watch the sun fly across the sky like a basketball on fire and it falls down completely and lands in Benjamin Lake with a splash and shakes the ground and even wakes up Lester Falls-Apart who thought it was his father come back to slap his face again. Summer coming like a car from down the highway." Just gorgeous words strung together in the perfect way.

After a while, I realized I should check my email and see what was going on and as it turns out, my boss had emailed me like 6 hours earlier telling me they wouldn't be at the event but was sending Alyssa instead and that they thought I could handle tabling alone anyway and I was like ok chill and kept up my reading and sipping, feeling silly in my baggy jeans and skating tee in the hyper-feminine salon but leaning into the adventure of the day and just rolling with it. 

Then, the time Alyssa was supposed to show face came and went and I was like hmmm perhaps this chaotic and fun day is less chill now, but I emailed her and got no response and even tried calling her google number in her email signature and got her cheeky voicemail. I read another chapter of beloved Alexie, talked to a couple of people about The Cupcake Girls, and then overheard the manager letting a guest know that because it was their holiday party, they were offering free beauty treatments. My little ears perked up and I scurried over. The day was going so random, a free eyebrow sugaring session was perfectly insane and unexpected, such a curveball out of left field that it was full circle and felt normal. 

As I lay on the bed with hot sugar goo on my eye region, I chatted up my brow sculptors and learned that one was a long-time resident of Chicago before making the move to Portland and the other was a Portland native (or essentially one) and had done a lot of event and fundraising stuff in the past! Ha! How perfect. They had also started a Portland pirate larping group? Or something like that. A very Portlandia conversation, I felt like I was networking and also like I was meeting an elusive Portland queer elder who hadn't moved away when things started to get expensive and more ~normal~ #makeportlandweirdagain. 

When one of my brows had been snatched and my waxer was starting on my Mr. Right, I heard Alyssa's voice in the main area of the salon getting acquainted with everyone. Too bad I was super busy doing my unpaid work and getting my brows done! I eventually made my way to the front where I was supposed to be stationed and got to chatting with the people at the event, spreading the good word about the Cupcake Girls. I also got to know someone who was tabling for Rose Haven, another org in the city. They were super sweet and cool, and many months later when my dad was visiting me in January, I saw them walking down the street. I didn't say anything, but I felt super Portlandish and established then. 

When the event was drawing to a close, I texted Qwynci because she lives near there, and she came by. We walked to a grocery store nearby because she needed toilet paper (or maybe paper towels... I don't know if it matters for story telling purposes..?) and we chatted and goofed around. Then, I drove her to her house, and we talked shit for a while in the car (one of my favorite locations to talk, ever).

I then realized I was running late to a swim event, so I peeled out of there with the sound of burning rubber (jk I peeled off responsibly and safely) and then I was on my way to my next event of the day. 

All in all, I have found that these kinds of days mentally stimulate me, but sometimes it's really just too much. When I get home after having a lot of days like this in a row, I lay on my bed, unmoving except for a single finger scrolling Instagram. I'm like a zombie or a husk. I need to learn how to balance, and how to not get to the point of exhaustion. And wear my gold puffer and look good doing it. Hah! So much to do! So little time!!!

Finished: 3/5/2024

I take so long to write these but I'm glad they get written. Sometimes it takes a while to find the statue in the marble and get it out. 

XO Kate

May to June

 This is the second year in a row where May to June has been the most jarring, flip flop, 180 switch ever. Last year I was coming back from ...