Four Loko Summer

Here's the thing. I'm in the mood to reinvent myself. The season is changing, it was sunny for three days straight for the first time in like 5 months and the birds are chirping. My closet is finally back in working condition, after the Great Pipe Bursting back in January, I airbnb and couch hopped for like 5 weeks and then moved back into my room with an unfinished closet. All my clothes and dressers were stuffed into my room and it was ... garbage pit like, to say the least. So now my room is spacious and orderly again, and I realized my mysterious wet patch of carpet (don't ask) had been growing in my absence and so I jerry rigged a fan to my bookshelf and turned the dehumidifier on high and whaddayaknow, that cleared up in a couple days. Also, I am single now. It's a long story and sad but beautiful story and it's all peace and love and grief. Lol. I shant overshare cuz it makes me so upset and I'm leaning into letting myself feel sad... but it's awkward cuz letting yourself feel sad makes you FEEL SAD and I want to FEEL GOOD please god let me feel good. Please. 

But I am determined to actually feel things (good things ideally but beggars can't be choosers) for the rest of this semester, my last semester of college!!!! and be present and meditate and go for walks outside and talk to myself and wash my face every day. Basicallllly I have to get to know myself again. The last couple months I would book my days so busy I didn't have time to do anything important (like make meals or take a piss) and then whenever I had an uncomfortable thought or feeling I would just... scroll it away (thanks a lot, Instagram). I don't have insta right now and I feel like my brain is waking up again. It's been good. I am proud of myself.

Looking forward, however, I am getting really excited to be a loose cannon this summer. I was looking through some stories I had saved from two summers ago and found these striking flicks. 

In thee hot tub, we jumped the fence

Story draft, after a couple of four loko beverages, looking visibly ill and mischievious

Obviously, dear reader, you know that lime rita buzzballz is my potent liquor of choice, and I feel like those ballz are like the slightly more annoying sibling to the older, more suave but also extremely chaotic older brother, aka Four Loko. Their mom would probably be a Long Island mixed drink, and the dad would be like Jägermeister or something idk. 

While I think Four Loko is objectively nasty and the production and sale of it should be halted worldwide,
it is the spirit of the Four Loko that I hope to embody. Crazy, free, sweet, dangerous, etc.

Drinking Four Loko conveys a sense of lack of care for the self, in a fun and flirty way. Well now that I've written that out on the page I'm wondering hmmm is this a good idea because I really do want to care for myself. I actually am requiring myself to care for myself. But okay yes so now I am back on track; this spring is about caring for myself and working on myself, etc, but come summmmmerrrr anything is possible really. 

In the spirit of things that are kind of good and kind of bad for me, I got a Juul. You may be thinking, 'that's literally just bad for you' and while you're right in a scientific seense, I'M right in a symbolic sense, and I'm also right because it's my blog, dammit!

These days, I smoke my little juul, I scratch my scalp until it bleeds (I'm trying to stop but), I go for walks and I give myself challenges to complete. Because I'm not on instagram I want to feel a part of something still so I have invented self improvement challenges or trends I forecast for myself for the week. Last week I successfully completed the #threemealsadaychallenge and this week I'm continuing that good work and also introducing the #touchgrasseverydaychallenge which was easy when it was sunny out but the clouds are back so I have to work a little harder to self motivate to spend time outside. 

Tonight I am going to charli night at the holocene, they're going to play her music and music like hers. I am so so excited, I'm going with close baes and I'm wearing a fit completely curated from the clothing swap PSN did on campus last friday. It's gonna be my crazy tights, a SILVER puffer, and silver skirt. When I saw the puffer in all it's metallic glory, I screamed. I had literally brought my GOLDEN puffer with me to school that day so I wore them both at once and felt like Young Lean. I think this fit would be perfect for a base for my furlandia (furries in space) outfit, if I get some galaxy tights to go with it.

I NEED THESE SO BAD!!!!

And then I'll make a headpiece, probably gonna be a blue dragon to match my D&D character. Me and Edie want to make fur suits (or at least components of them for a partial suit) by hand and we're gonna document the process. It's gonna be awesome.

To conclude, I want it to be summer, I want to sip a four loko through a straw in my fursuit, and I NEED TO REMEMBER WHO TF I AMMMM!!!!!

I love you so much forever.

Kate